Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize