Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
