So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
