I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
