why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
