Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
