I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did I show you my penis last night?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
