so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
