I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
