Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
