She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
