Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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