he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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