I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
