That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
