She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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