i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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