i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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