dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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