So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
