I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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