We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
