she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
