im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My vagina just recognized that song.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
