if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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