You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
