he thought i was a dude.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
