is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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