I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize