I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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