no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
