I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
