You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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