After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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