apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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