We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
