Do you still have your period?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
