Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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