Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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