Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
