Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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