WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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