So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm always down for nudity.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
