I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
