No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
