The maid of honor just puked.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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