She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
