we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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