I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
