A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
