i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
