I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
