my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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