sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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