I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
