If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
