This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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