All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize