never play flip cup with pint glasses
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
