Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
