some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
