We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
