Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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