Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
