Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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