I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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