I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
