OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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