I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We have started to decorate penises.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
