u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
