Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
