WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
