Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
