She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
