you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
