Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
